it was not my first time grabbing chilled beers from the convenience store and had a drink with friends under a hdb block. seriously, it is a cheap and good way to forget about all the stress from school. each of us only spent 19 bucks to enjoy 2 bottles of constantly chilled beer, bnj ice cream, chips and some lousy cookies. what a great deal right?
i dont know when and why i fell in love with drinking. i dont drink to forget about sad stuff. i did it once but damn it! the beer tasted bitter when i drank it then. it gives me a split second to forget about who i am trying to be. i know nobody will take me seriously when i drink. so i dont really have to care about what comes out from my foul mouth. whatever i say or do, nobody will believe that is the real me. they will just pass it off and say "karen is drunk/high". so i am safe.
drinking just makes the mood perfect to talk about things, trash things out, and remind the past. it triggers the lazy bone in me and not want to think or talk about work. any random topic, about life, friends or whatever. i am open to all topics.
i want to do this more often with friends. i love the company of friends, especially those who you can trust and talk with. so please jiefang, can you come back real soon. it has been a long time since we both slack together. we can do this with liting too!!! we 3 seriously need some catch up time after you are back, before my new sem starts and before liting enters a new phase in life. i promise i wont tear again when i see you the next time.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
pull me out
i love the smell of the ground after the rain, filled with hope. it is as if nature has everything pre-planned for us. we all have to go through mud and rain before the sunshine falls upon us. i want that day to come fast. i am getting sick of the life i am living in now. i am not complaining about the urbanized life because to be honest, i am in love with it. fast paced lifestyle, constantly on the move are what i desire. i just hate the ugly side of life.
i want a child's innocence. everything will be simple, pretty and wonderful. i dont have to fear my tutors for yelling at me for not completing my work. i dont have to worry about falling behind expectations. i dont have to involve myself in complicated relationships. all these can be avoided as i will be growing under the protection of my parents. taking a step at a time, waiting to grow up to discover an unpredictable and uncertain world ahead.
i need someone to pull me out of reality. i have learnt hard and well enough on the lesson called reality. i have taught myself to accept the ugly truth of life. i understand i cannot have everything i desired. i know impossible is possible. i just want to spend a day away from home, away from the life i am having now. anywhere, anything will do. i just want to run. i may seem to be escaping but from what? please allow me to be an escapist once.
i dont want to see people stopping in their tracks, taking a seat by the roadside with their heads bowed low. i want to sit by them and tell them to look up at the bright sky. sunshine after the rain, it always happen. stay hopeful and not be despair. i hate to see saddness in people's eyes. it pains me and makes me feel helpless. is there anything that i can help? it is such a simple sentence but it is often not heard.
just keep on fighting i shall. one day, i will succeed. =) just remember, anger management.
i want a child's innocence. everything will be simple, pretty and wonderful. i dont have to fear my tutors for yelling at me for not completing my work. i dont have to worry about falling behind expectations. i dont have to involve myself in complicated relationships. all these can be avoided as i will be growing under the protection of my parents. taking a step at a time, waiting to grow up to discover an unpredictable and uncertain world ahead.
i need someone to pull me out of reality. i have learnt hard and well enough on the lesson called reality. i have taught myself to accept the ugly truth of life. i understand i cannot have everything i desired. i know impossible is possible. i just want to spend a day away from home, away from the life i am having now. anywhere, anything will do. i just want to run. i may seem to be escaping but from what? please allow me to be an escapist once.
i dont want to see people stopping in their tracks, taking a seat by the roadside with their heads bowed low. i want to sit by them and tell them to look up at the bright sky. sunshine after the rain, it always happen. stay hopeful and not be despair. i hate to see saddness in people's eyes. it pains me and makes me feel helpless. is there anything that i can help? it is such a simple sentence but it is often not heard.
just keep on fighting i shall. one day, i will succeed. =) just remember, anger management.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
300
"prepare to dine in hell!"
i felt their passion. i saw their desire. i want to be like them, living for something in life. a new age has begun, an age of freedom. i want to be a SPARTAN! to believe in not to be defeated and never to surrender.
something struck me after the movie. dont ask what you should do, ask what you can do. leaders always have to face such a decision. should they make the decision that pleases everyone in the council or make the right decision for the common man? sometimes, maybe we are just thinking too deep into matters and forget about the limitations of our abilities. i hate the feeling when i know there is something wrong with it but i could not do anything to do. i felt trapped and useless. sometimes, i just hate being a student.
in face of danger, knowing that you are going to die, you do not fear death and fought on. what for, many will ask. to me, i respect their courgae to make such a decision. to fight for what you believe in, to fight for a spirit, to fight to protect the women and the children and most importantly, to fight for not to be conquered. i want to have this courage within me too. i do not want to bow to difficulties. i want to fight back to protect myself. must always remember that attacking is the best form of defence.
seriously, i would rather stand than to kneel. kneeling is an act of being a coward, submitting to your internal desires. be a man, stand tall and firm, fight for what you believe in. that is what i called a hero.
my heart is filled with hate.
i felt their passion. i saw their desire. i want to be like them, living for something in life. a new age has begun, an age of freedom. i want to be a SPARTAN! to believe in not to be defeated and never to surrender.
something struck me after the movie. dont ask what you should do, ask what you can do. leaders always have to face such a decision. should they make the decision that pleases everyone in the council or make the right decision for the common man? sometimes, maybe we are just thinking too deep into matters and forget about the limitations of our abilities. i hate the feeling when i know there is something wrong with it but i could not do anything to do. i felt trapped and useless. sometimes, i just hate being a student.
in face of danger, knowing that you are going to die, you do not fear death and fought on. what for, many will ask. to me, i respect their courgae to make such a decision. to fight for what you believe in, to fight for a spirit, to fight to protect the women and the children and most importantly, to fight for not to be conquered. i want to have this courage within me too. i do not want to bow to difficulties. i want to fight back to protect myself. must always remember that attacking is the best form of defence.
seriously, i would rather stand than to kneel. kneeling is an act of being a coward, submitting to your internal desires. be a man, stand tall and firm, fight for what you believe in. that is what i called a hero.
my heart is filled with hate.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
the stress is up
i have never felt so motivated to study before since the new sem started. time check now is 423 in the morning and i am still alive and kicking. damn it!!! why do i have to keep screwing my biological clock up? i have a choice to close this stupid laptop which i have been staring at for the whole day and hit the bed which is tempting me right before my eyes or mug till 7am plus to go to school. the stress level is up!!!
all thanks to my laziness and ill discipline, i am lagging behind lectures and definitely tutorials for some modules. i need to catch up. i need to run and chase after them with all my life or else i will die a horrible death when april comes. i must be on par with the lecturers and tutors before march ends. come on come on!!! give me red bulls and make me drunk by feeding me with caffine.
nights are always the perfect time for me to study. i love the nights when everyone else except fat is sleeping. peaceful and quiet, with no disturbance at all. you wont see me throwing my temper when people enter my room when i am busy doing stuff. no noisy neighbours too. just me and my laptop, happily doing work. =)
i cant believe i finished 1 bloody essay and parts of a report in a day. worst, i have more to come in the next minute. i shall continue with my webcasting. i have to be a happy workaholic.
all thanks to my laziness and ill discipline, i am lagging behind lectures and definitely tutorials for some modules. i need to catch up. i need to run and chase after them with all my life or else i will die a horrible death when april comes. i must be on par with the lecturers and tutors before march ends. come on come on!!! give me red bulls and make me drunk by feeding me with caffine.
nights are always the perfect time for me to study. i love the nights when everyone else except fat is sleeping. peaceful and quiet, with no disturbance at all. you wont see me throwing my temper when people enter my room when i am busy doing stuff. no noisy neighbours too. just me and my laptop, happily doing work. =)
i cant believe i finished 1 bloody essay and parts of a report in a day. worst, i have more to come in the next minute. i shall continue with my webcasting. i have to be a happy workaholic.
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